Treasure Hunting and the Curse of the Mini

Greetings and Salutations Hominids!

Well, it has been a while since posting, but your humble Captain of the Imperial Car Destroyer has traveled far and wide in recent months.  Work sent me off to Singapore, hot and humid land of Lesser Vehicles (no really, they typically range from under 1 liter to just under 2!  They are so tiny!)  and thus work was temporarily suspended due to a lack of physical co-location.  In other words, I was out of town, bummer.

You Gonna Get It Lock!

This post covers the grand revealing of my side cargo compartment on the Car Destroyer, which came locked the day it arrived in front of my house.  It had a classic hardened steel lock hanging off the side, the vehicle came with no keys what so ever.  Not even an ignition key! (doesn't need one, hehe)  Well, naturally I was curious what exactly would be inside this mysterious 50 gallon capacity box wedged under the driver side cab. I say 50 gallon capacity, because the storage box bears a striking resemblance to the gas tank on the other side of the vehicle in size and general shape.


Never one to let  little things like steel locks stop me, I busted out with my hand dandy cut-off tool and clamped the offending lock in place.  You could practically see it quivering in fear.  Safety goggles and gloves on (Safety first children!) I got to work.  Sparks flew, neighbors winced, and soon the deed was done.  I felt quite satisfied as the loco dropped to the ground, quite thoroughly defeated.

The Vault Is Opened!

This is where we go into our Quiet Mysterious Announcer Voice and say something like "And now we prepare to open the Vault of the Unknown, never before unearthed on camera or film before...".  I forced the sticky lever open and opened the storage box.  I was greeted with a puff of stale air and a fine cloud of authentic Nevada Air Field dust.  I could see the dim shape of a red box lurking atop a random assortment of other goodies.  I was quietly thrilled, because I was just as prepared to be faced with an empty, rust covered box.

I pulled out the contents and spread them out on my driveway for inspection.  There was a lot more loot there than I initially thought would be the case!  The red case ended up being for for a collapsible roadside warning triangle (not a left over recoiless rifle, like I had been hoping, drat!).  In addition it had a small collection of tools, a spare fire extinguisher, a glad hand air attachment, a small first aid kit, a small bottle jack, and some various heavy steel bars for changing tires.  All in all, quite the find!

Show Me The Booty!

After pulling everything out I duly went through and knocked the rust and dust off of most of it.  The bottom of the bottle jack was pretty rusty, so I cleaned that up and hit it with some rust resistant spray paint for good measure.  I then added my 50' Land Line power cord to the collection and put everything back in the box for now.  I will need to eventually add a more complete tool set to the Travelling Kit, but I would have time to do this before going on my first serious long trip.

I went ahead and took the fire extinguisher (it was still good) and mounted it on the inside of the cab.  I had to buy some longer bolts from the hardware store in order to get the mounting bracket in place over the insulating foam I had installed, but it turned out pretty good.  Now the cab is protected in the event of a pyrotechnical emergency!

That accomplished, I then turned my attentions towards getting my ladder mounted on the rear of the vehicle like it ought to be.  It has been bouncing around in the rear of van body for too long now, and dragging it in and out has been scratching my beautiful new linoleum floor, so that just wouldn't do.  There is a mounting bracket on the rear door of the van body, on the outside obviously, but it was positioned out of place.  When I hung the ladder on it it sat at a weird crooked angle.  Obviously this would not do!  I spent some time moving the bracket around until I got it into an acceptable position, and then secured it in place.  The ladder now hung beautifully on the back!  I still don't know how to use the weird military latches on the bottom that look like they should secure the bottom in place, but I am confident I can figure that out.  I pretty much have to before I go bouncing down the road, hehe...

Last but not least, I decided it was high time to secure the vehicle.  Even though I live on a quiet little side street in Santa Cruz, crime seems to be getting worse and worse.  I had my motorcycle stolen from this very same driveway a year or two ago, and my subwoofer and amp stolen out of the back of my Mini Cooper, so I speak from (painful) experience on this subject.  After going back and forth on how I might get locks into the doors of the Car Destroyer, my wonderful wife Cricket pointed out I was overthinking it.  This is something I have rarely been accused of, so I decided to listen carefully.  She suggested that I simply buy some Bad Ass pad locks and bolt them to the door.  I instantly loved the idea, and set out to put it into motion.

Door locks, the Subtle Way!

I was a little conflicted as to where exactly to put them, but I settled on near the door handle.  This is still pretty high up on the vehicle when standing next to it, but easy enough to reach.  It is also more towards the middle of the door, so it will provide a better locking point than at the top or bottom.  I initially used screws that were too long, so I couldn't roll down my windows!  I quickly corrected this issue by a quick trip to the hardware store for Yet More Stainless Steel Bolts.  I then hung a pair of Master Locks off of each, and POOF! - door locks.

I was waiting the entire day to meet with some folks interested in buying my Mini Cooper, which I desperately need to sell in order to fund the Imperial Car Destroyer.  I had been in email and phone communication with this couple from Arcata for over a week and a half, and they were hot to buy the car.  I told them all about it, and they were quite interested.  They arranged to visit some family in the area (a sister lives in Aptos or some such).  I got a call when they were in Redwood City, and they said they would be there within the hour.  Said hour came and went, and they did not appear.  I started to worry a little, but I told myself I was being silly.  Then a I got the following text:

Oh.  My.  Fracking.  God.  Really?

Yeah, that's right.  Less than ten minutes from my house, they literally get hit by a car and totaled.  This is the "Hit By A Bus" scenario everyone talks about.  Obviously they couldn't make it, and buying the car was off. I had bought a bottle of champagne that I was going to open when the car sold.  It is still in my fridge as of this post.  I feel horrible for this poor couple, who sounded like really neat people.  I also felt horrible for myself, as I really needed to sell the car in order to move forward with the project.  Cricket has suggested that the YarMini is a little like Christine, and is killing off potential buyers, but I sure hope not.  Oh well, maybe I will get to taste that sweet, sweet champagne in the near future...

Next post I will be getting into the largest automotive task I have ever done, replacing the front axle seals!  For this task I shall tear off the front wheels, remove the brakes, the axle, and more!  Stay tuned for this next exciting episode.  Will our hero live, die, get trapped under the 7.5 ton truck?  Read on to find out!